


Priority: Date Night

by sparkly_butthole



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: BDSM, Dom/sub, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, PWP-ish, Paragade (Mass Effect), dom!John Shepard, elcor comedian, mShenko, sub!Kaidan Alenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 09:50:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9884402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkly_butthole/pseuds/sparkly_butthole
Summary: Kaidan & John go on a date following their lunch at Apollo's. An evening of fun. Very naughty fun. You've been warned.





	1. Like teenagers

This was ridiculous. Two men in their thirties walking the Presidium of the Citadel- practically the galactic home of date night- and neither could think of a place to go after lunch. It was an awkward stroll through the wards, too. Neither man was sure how close they should stand to the other. Should they hold hands? Walk side by side? Link arms?

So it was that John Shepard and Kaidan Alenko, the first human Spectres and saviors of the galaxy at least once, ended up looking like young teens in love for the first time instead of grown men on a first date.

And to be fair, for John at least, it was his first time in love. Romance had never been at the forefront of his mind. First had come Mindoir, and while he had had a few crushes in school, they were nothing serious and so didn’t count for much. Didn’t get a date or even a dry hump out of it. And then, after… after the horrors. There was so much chaos. He’d been taken in by the Alliance, by Anderson, who was the closest thing he’d had to a father his whole life, considering his biological father had been an abusive piece of shit. Those two years flew by, while he learned the ways of the Alliance, and before he knew it he’d enlisted and all his thoughts were on the military and whatever it was they needed him for. Guns, guts, and glory, or so he always told himself. Really it was a warm meal and a family.

His sex life had come later, but it was always quick and dirty, with men he met at the clubs on shore leave. Usually in dingy, dank places, surrounded by the smell of cigarettes and loneliness. Only one of them had he really cared for, and that was because he turned out to be a good friend, the best submissive he’d ever had, and a hell of an information broker. So more like a business deal, if he was being honest with himself, even if he did actually consider the man more than just a business partner.

Kaidan, on the other hand, hadn’t had a real relationship for vastly different reasons. Whatever he’d had with Rahna wasn’t a relationship in the normal sense of the word. BAaT had thrown those kids together and then abused them, so they clung to whatever sense of normalcy they could find. Kaidan was a protector, though he loathed the title of “white knight,” something Rahna had finally accused him of being, towards the end. There was some weird sibling-esque bond, lurking underneath the hormone-induced confusion in their feelings for each other. The two of them had sex, once, and it had been an utter mess, both of them realizing that their relationship had best remain platonic. It’d helped calm her hero-worship of him, and silenced his own obsession, so at least something positive had come from it.

Then, after joining the Alliance, Kaidan had a few fledgling relationships with fellow recruits, cut off through either joint agreement or different marching orders. Never within the same chain of command, of course. Kaidan was a by-the-books kind of guy… or had been, at least. Spectre status, age, and most of all, John Shepard had changed that a bit. He was still boring old Kaidan Alenko though, in his mind. The number of times he’d actually had sex was embarrassingly small. What if he wasn’t good enough for Shepard? Surely the man had plenty of lovers through his life. He was far more charismatic than Kaidan, that was a given.

And, Jesus. Those eyes, that jawline. Commander Shepard could have anyone he wanted. Whenever he wanted. So why Kaidan?

Shying away from those thoughts- because for whatever reason, Kaidan _had_ been John’s choice- he glanced at Shepard. His feelings for the commander had never been in question, but fraternization regs and, moreso, the fear of rejection had meant that he never spoke up. Now that this, what he’d never in his wildest dreams thought he might have, was happening… what would he do about it?

Now he was terrified. Go. Figure.

Sighing, he pulled the commander, who was also lost in his own thoughts, to a halt. They leaned over the balcony of the upper wards, staring across the Citadel at its bustling activity. Reapers out in the galaxy, death and destruction raining down in thousands of star systems and wiping out countless trillions of lives, and here they were. The center of galactic civilization, playing at teenagers. Watching others go about their business, as though one entire level of the Citadel wasn’t chock full of dirtied, desperate refugees. Anything to cling to the status quo, perhaps, so as not to completely lose hope? Or just pure selfishness?

What was it he’d said at Apollo’s? _Sanity check_. That’s what this was. Everyone needed a break.

Everyone needed someone to live for.

Someone to love.

“I’ve got a confession to make, Commander.”

Shepard looked at him askance, eyebrow raised. “A little past titles, don’t you think?”

“Shepard-“

“Really, Major?”

A deep sigh. “ _John_.” For some reason, that made him blush, and damn his light complexion.

Shepard was clearly amused. “Go on, K,” he said, softly.

Kaidan was a bit startled at the shortening of his name. Never had he heard anyone but his own mother call him that. But he liked how it sounded on Shepard’s lips. Then again, there wasn’t much he disliked on Shepard’s lips. And he’d better start talking before thoughts of Shepard’s lips made him incapable of doing so.

“I’m nervous.”

Shepard turned to see him fully. Really _looked_ at him, took in his face. He didn’t understand how they had danced around this for so long, completely oblivious. Well, at least he had been oblivious. Those few fleeting moments, on the SR-1 so long ago, nearly sharing a kiss that John could’ve sworn was just his imagination. An accident. Kaidan’s embarrassment had told him at least that much. But there was also that small, private smile Kaidan had shown him and only him, and how Kaidan had opened up to him about brain camp so easily. Shepard had no idea how he’d missed the signs of Kaidan’s interest. He’d just assumed that, since Kaidan had only mentioned Rahna as a past partner, he was straight. Quite foolish of him, that had been, in hindsight. He would kick himself if he were able to do so.

Now that he was allowed to look, he drank in the sight of him. The slim body and hard muscles hidden in standard Alliance gear. He knew what was under those clothes, of course, having showered with the man before getting the captain’s cabin on the SR-1. But it was rude to stare in the shower, in fact it could land you in a lot of trouble, so he didn’t. He kept his eyes away as much as possible, anyway; after all, he was just a man. And speaking of eyes… those brown eyes that sometimes glowed hazel in the right light, like the horizon on a world full of forest and lush with life, the rebirth of spring. The full lips, that he suddenly wanted nothing more than to nibble and suckle and lick, to taste. And that would just be an appetizer, because every inch of the man in front of him cried out to be taken. There was no doubt how this evening would turn out, as far as he was concerned. The signs were there, and John Shepard was fluent in this language.

Just not when it came to the romancing stage of things. About that, he was hopelessly clueless. Something other than dancing that the great Commander Shepard wasn't good at.

“Is there more to this? Or was that it?” He _was_ amused, although he had to admit that he was a bit nervous too, deep down. Kaidan had feelings for him, the variety that went beyond the walls of the bedroom or whatever place you just happened to be screwing in at the moment. He had them, too, which, now that he thought about it, was part of the reason he’d kept his silence on the SR-1. That certainly was something to be nervous over. John Shepard didn’t fall in love. But Kaidan Alenko had somehow snuck up on him.

And he was in love. Hadn’t recognized it until today; it was an alien thing, crawling through his skin in a very pleasant way but still unknown, raw.

That didn't scare him, though. He had a thing for aliens, always had.

“Heh. Well, you see… it’s just that, well. I’ve never actually been with a man before.” Kaidan’s voice trailed off as he glanced at Shepard, clearly nervous. His body absolutely screamed at Shepard to take him already, and he was damn tempted to rip off the biotic's BDUs and fuck him raw, right there on the Presidium.

Pulling himself away from thoughts of ravishing his date, he processed the words. Oh. He’d never been with a man before. Okay, fair enough. Maybe that’s why Shepard hadn’t recognized Kaidan’s interest three years ago. And Kaidan was still talking, a mudslide rushing out of him.

“I mean, it isn’t like I’ve never done anything with a man. I sort of started something with a guy at boot camp, but it didn’t get very far. Not that I didn’t want it to, it just didn’t work out that way…”

“Slow down, Kaidan.”

And man, did Shepard know how to get someone to listen. A soft command, spoken in just the right fashion. Kaidan shut his mouth and listened.

“Why does this make you nervous? It’s just like dating a woman. I just happen to have a penis.”

Kaidan chuckled at Shepard’s dry tone. “Well that, yeah, it’s something new. I can learn to work with that. I mean I have one of my own.” Another blush. “But more importantly… it’s us, you know?”

“Yeah,” John replied, voice soft. “Exactly.”

And why couldn’t he think of a damn thing to say after that?


	2. The cock-blocking elcor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan's shy, but John is having a grand ol' time. The date gets spicier.

            “You know, we could just ask where to go.”

            “Yeah, sure, but then wouldn’t everybody figure out that we’re on a date together? I mean, Shep- _John_ \- it isn’t like we’re inconspicuous here. First two human Spectres? I think that’d attract someone’s attention.”

            “Kaidan, I’m pretty sure everyone’s too caught up in their own lives to notice. Besides, we’ve been skirting appropriate behavior for an hour or so now. Little late to be that concerned about it.” He grabbed Kaidan’s hand, and the flush on his cheeks was utterly adorable, if John was being honest with himself. “Let’s just ask somebody.”

            Before Kaidan could argue further, Shepard had approached a woman at a nearby… lemonade?... stand. _Intergalactic lemonade, would you imagine that?_ She sent them a few levels down, towards the lower wards, explaining that there was a stand-up comedy show this evening that had garnered a lot of positive attention on the extranet. It was sold out, but they could easily get the expensive box seats given their status, so they decided why not. If only for the fact that it was more of an adult date than the latest Blasto movie. And John might be The Commander, Capital Tee Capital Cee, but he was not admitting his Blasto obsession to _anyone_. Not even Kaidan. At least not yet.

            The line for the show was fairly long, but the VIP access area led them right in to the lobby. Spectre status had its perks, some of them odd, but they certainly had no complaints. Kaidan stopped mid-stride, causing John to nearly run right into him, staring at the title incredulously. _The Rogue Elcor_ was displayed in pink neon lettering as the headline act of the evening.

            “Are you serious?” Kaidan asked, mystified. Shepard just laughed, a rare sound that made Kaidan’s heart sing to hear. “Shepard, this is crazy. We are not going to watch a fucking elcor comedian.”

            “Why not?” Kaidan’s indignant attitude had Shepard laughing even harder, the crinkles around his eyes more pronounced in the glare of the indoor lighting. “It can’t be that bad if it got top billing, can it?”

            Kaidan glared.

            “K… how insane has this whole thing been? The circumstances of our relationship. The situations we find ourselves in every single day. It wouldn’t be a proper first date without something ridiculous, would it?”

            Kaidan couldn’t find a reason to disagree with that point, especially not when John was wearing that rare grin, so he followed the usher to the wonderfully secluded box on the right side of the stage and got comfortable. John decided he needed to sneak out of the theatre to grab “a few things”, so he ordered them drinks and kicked up a nice, relaxing buzz as he waited it out. He figured he probably needed it.

            The show’s start was surprisingly good. So was the buzz, for that matter. Kaidan had downed them faster than his mom could yell “put on your sweater,” and was pleasantly plowing ahead of his biotic metabolism. It also kept him ahead of his nerves; there was a heavy sense of expectation in the air between the two of them, and Kaidan was happy to realize he was enjoying the ride.

            He could always feel John’s eyes on him, _had_ always been able to feel that, since the first time he saw them. Those deep blue eyes had been a focal point of his lonely nights for years now.

            Yes, after Alchera, silently crying in shame as his hand practically abused his body, his emotional agony finding some kind of fucked-up outlet in this act of remembrance.

            After Horizon, and the horrible things they said to each other there. Well, the things Kaidan said had been horrible, at least.

            Even after Mars, after waking up, in a hospital bed with a body battered and bruised purple, hoping the doctors and nurses would respect his privacy long enough for him to pump the obsessive thoughts, images, and worries about John out of his head.

            But this time it was pleasant. This time those eyes watching him- more importantly, _wanting_ him- were real. He wasn’t going to waste a moment of it. Not with worry or sour old memories.

            Kaidan kept drinking.

 

            John was caught on the bridge between two worlds. The part of him that craved control was screaming at him. _It’s there for the taking, so take it._ And Kaidan wanted him to. He knew that as sure as he knew his own name.

            The part of him that knew Kaidan deserved more than just being used held him back, for which he was glad. He felt like a blind man in some respects, and was delighted to discover that that was just as exciting.

            The thought made him grin, and he pushed his chair closer to the other man’s. Kaidan looked over at him, tight. In response, John pushed his drink towards him with a knowing smile, a small one, encouraging. Kaidan gave a bashful smile in return.

            Between the first and second act, John leaned into Kaidan’s ear. Kaidan shivered, relishing the feeling of Shepard so close to him. “How are you doing?”

            “I’m good, John. Feel more relaxed than I have in a long time. But it’s funny, isn’t it, how awkward we are?”

            Shepard chuckled. “Well, I’m only awkward about this part. Not so much with what comes later. I don’t know about you.”

            The biotic forced himself to look John in the eyes. “I think you can probably guess, given what I told you earlier.”

            “Yeah. You’ll get over that, though.”

            “It’s that easy, is it?”

            “Nothing is ever easy with you, K.” John was teasing; he was also telling the truth. “But I promise we’ll figure it out together.”

            Kaidan looked at him again. “I’d like that.”

            Giving him a few seconds, John reached down between them and placed his hand, ever so gently, on the man’s thigh. Kaidan tensed, breathing deeply, then let it out nice and slow. Like he dealt with a migraine, in some ways. Then he reached down to grasp the hand, calloused from the abuses of war, and they sat in comfortable silence until the next act.

 

            Of course, John had always been a naughty boy. He just had to push it. He let his hand move up Kaidan’s thigh. Expert timing. Centimeter by careful centimeter. Every time he touched a new spot, Kaidan would jump slightly, even though he was expecting it. At one point, his biotics nearly activated, which would have been embarrassing as hell. The only other time that had happened- after Vyrrnus, of course- had been when his mother walked in on him masturbating. He was terrified, so he held on for dear life, giving John a warning look.

            John acquiesced, respecting the biotic’s reticence, though surprised at his worry. He completely understood; neither of them liked to lose control- unsurprising given their histories. That Kaidan would later surrender to him was a mark of trust so deep that any lingering concerns over Horizon or Cerberus would have been banished, were there any left.

            Nonetheless, the air was charged around them, and by the time they were preparing the stage for the elcor John could no longer hold himself in check. He turned Kaidan towards him, hiding in the relative darkness of their box, and placed a hand on his cheek, a gesture so affectionate he nearly laughed at himself. New territory, indeed. Placing the other hand around his neck, he pulled Kaidan in, nice and slow. He felt no resistance from the other man, so he opened his lips and tasted him, breathing in that indescribable essence that was Kaidan Alenko, and found himself groaning into his mouth- that was something _else_ John Shepard had never done. Not from a mere kiss. He wondered how many more of those things there’d be before the night was over.

            Kaidan kissed him back, tentatively, not fighting, allowing John to explore his mouth with a soft if greedy touch before exploring his in turn. He was delighted to discover that those fat lips were as supple as he’d always imagined; three years of picturing this moment and it was just as amazing as he could hope for. All the things that bothered him about kissing were absent. John smelled like mint, a scent Kaidan knew well, as it had always followed those blue eyes into his dreams. He imagined it to be the scent of Mindoir, the best piece of John’s childhood that he brought with him, something to be treasured by Kaidan alone. It was the smell of _his_ Shepard, and he became dizzy as he inhaled the kiss, getting lost in it.

            When they pulled away from each other, their pupils were blown, brown and blue nearly lost in the void of arousal that surged between them, demanding a sacrifice, pulling them ever closer. Catching their breath, they rested forehead to forehead, laughing softly and feeling the nerves dissipate just a bit. A breather.

            Then the elcor came out, and it was like one of Kaidan’s worst nightmares came true.

            First, the outfit. He figured he was far drunker than originally thought; there was no way an elcor was wearing a g-string. Shepard glanced over at him, wide-eyed and delighted. Kaidan rolled his eyes. Of course this would tickle Shepard.

            Second, holy hell the _mouth_ on the damn thing. Since when did elcor use such colorful language? Not that he was bothered by it, necessarily- Kaidan played it close to the vest around most people, but could cuss up a storm without blinking as long as he was in the right crowd.

            But when it turned towards their box, and the spotlight came down hot on his head… and he realized Shepard’s hand was on his thigh with everyone watching… well. He wished he could crawl in a hole and die in that moment. And it stretched for what felt like an entire cycle.

            Thank goodness his date was John Shepard. If he’d been anyone else, Hackett would have them court-martialed by morning. What they’d been doing was so obvious, a blind volus could have picked up on it. But he schooled his features the best he could, and let Shepard do what he did best. Damage control.

 

            Shepard was lit to the fucking sky and this was the most hilarious goddamn thing to ever happen to him. He knew poor Alenko was fuming a few feet away, but he’d be damned if he didn’t enjoy this. Slithering smoothly away from his date, he stared across the stage at the rogue elcor, ready for anything.

            _Somewhat horrified: Humans are so horny, they will mate with anyone. Even members of their own gender._

            “Easy for you to say, you all look the same. I can’t even tell if you’re male or female!”

            _Pained: You wound me. Genuine curiosity: Can two male humans have a baby together?_

            “Well, not naturally, no.”

            _With relief: Thank goodness. In all honesty: Those would be the ugliest children in existence._

            Raised eyebrows. “I think members of the audience would disagree, don’t you guys?” Several cheers erupted. John Shepard was hot, and he knew it. Kaidan Alenko, as luck would have it, wasn’t too bad himself.

            _Considering: I suppose you aren’t the worst of the squishies. Thankful: I’m glad I won’t ever see it though._

            And while Shepard’s eyes shined with the idea growing behind them, he knew better than to say something like _that_ out loud. So he raised his drink to the elcor and downed it one go.

 

            “The stupid thing was dressed in a g-string. A g-string, on a goddamned elcor! Sparkling, no less! This is like one of those old sitcoms, isn’t it. I’m going to wake up and this will all be a dream or a hallucination, right?”

            Shepard was holding back laughter. Seeing Kaidan splutter was a sight to behold, for sure. “Why are you so flustered about this?”

            “Because he was picking on us!”

            “… you do know that’s what comedians do, right?”

            “Well, sure, but… why us? He had to know who we were, John.”

            “Kaidan. Relax. Even if the whole place recognized us, it isn’t like we aren’t crewmates. And the first two human Spectres. And friends. People go out with their friends all the time.”

            “Well you certainly didn’t help! Encouraging him like that. You should be ashamed, Commander.”

            “But that’s what you love about me, isn’t it.”

            “… no.”

            “Admit it, K. You fell for my charming personality. Now you’re stuck with it.”

            “Most of the time, you don’t even have a personality, Mr. Impassive.”

            “Aww, but I always bring it out for you, don’t I?”

            Kaidan huffed. He knew he got to see a side of the Commander that very few others were lucky enough to witness. “Yeah… yeah, okay.” His features wore mock annoyance, but the slight upturning at the corner of his mouth, the very first thing John had noticed about him, gave him away.

            “Want me to kiss it and make it better?” John got a suspicious glance in return and laughed again. He felt better than he had in a long time. “Kaidan, Relax. Everything is going to be fine. Do you remember when I made you say that to me? I’m saying it now. Nobody knows, and if they do, nobody cares.”

            “… yeah, okay. I’m taking it too far again, aren’t I?”

            “Heh. Yeah, you are.” He pulled his date close, walking in evening shadows, and suddenly Kaidan no longer cared who knew. The feeling of John next to him was too damn good, too _right._

 

            The silence between them as they neared the elevator to the docks was not uncomfortable, but decidedly heavy. Shepard could tell his new lover was still swimming in adrenaline. Kaidan’s tells were subtle to some people, but Shepard had known him long enough to recognize some of them. And some things were universal.

            Like the way Kaidan swallowed any time he felt John’s gaze.

            Like the way his breath shallowed if John got close to him.

            And his favorite thing- Kaidan’s inability to look him in the eye, now that they were out of sight of others. It gave him hope that maybe the last hurdle to jump wasn’t too tall, though John was normally pretty good at reading this sort of thing. He didn’t expect much, if any, resistance.

            Part of him wanted to comfort the man. Their friendship had been so complicated, through Virmire and Ashley, his death and Cerberus, Horizon and Mars. Part of him wanted to ease Kaidan into their relationship, to protect it and them.

            But John Shepard was a vanguard. He wasn’t a protector. He took what he wanted. And right now he wanted Kaidan Alenko.

            Besides, what time did they really have left? Nearly three years wasted. Kaidan hardly needed protection, especially from him. He was a big boy.

            Waiting for the lift, John snorted. Ah, right, the Citadel was home to _Really Long Elevator Rides -R -Us_ , and for once that was going to work in his favor.

            As soon as they were in the elevator, John attacked Kaidan, pushed him up against the side and kissed him hungrily. Their first kiss had been sensual, a hello. Their second was another thing entirely, lips and teeth and tongue mashing, chaotic. John had one hand cradling Kaidan’s neck, the other gripping his lower back, possessive. He met no opposition this time, either, despite John’s enthusiasm. Kaidan wasn’t sure if John could be stopped anyway, not that he wanted him to be.

            The kiss was messy, the pent-up frustrations of dry spells mandated by their jobs and, at times, awkward personalities. That, and a three-year pining for a joining that was clearly their destiny.

            When Kaidan could pull away for breath, he looked at John and the Commander could see raw, pure desire in his eyes. That was new, and it made his cock twitch. Kaidan was always in control, careful and meticulous. To see him come undone was the goal for the evening, and that was apparently coming along quite nicely.

            He decided it was time to give a hint as to what Kaidan had gotten himself into.

            But just as the Commander was about to speak again, the elevator stopped. They were a quarter of the way to the dock. A turian with a red facial tattoo that looked like- what else- an elcor to John’s alcohol-hazed eyes, stepped on, barely glancing at them, fully armored in the most obnoxiously garish pink and obviously on a trip the whole way up. Shepard rolled his eyes. As if the _Cock-Blocking-Elco_ r wasn’t enough, apparently this trip to the Citadel was also going to involve _Cock-Blocking-Turians._ They should all just join a band and follow them around the whole evening.

            But it gave him an idea. Shepard leaned in to Kaidan’s ear and whispered the things he desperately wanted to do to him.

 

            Kaidan couldn’t stop it. He moaned, far louder than he’d meant to, and oh god help him, the turian glanced back at him with such an annoyed expression he thought he would die then and there. What the hell had gotten into him, making noises like that in public? What would his mother say? He prayed that they weren’t recognized; the first human Spectres having sexual relations in an elevator would be the juiciest news since… well, the last crazy stunt they’d pulled.

_(I want to see you on your knees, hands behind your back, as you beg me to let you come…)_

            He was somehow shivering and hot all over, something he didn’t think was possible and yet here it was. Never had he been literally weak-kneed before, and he wasn’t sure if that was Shepard or the things Shepard had said… and oh, thinking about what Shepard had said forced out an even more embarrassing whimper.

            ( _Will I let you touch yourself at all? Maybe instead of letting you, I’ll fuck your face until I get off, and you’ll look at me wild-eyed and needy, wearing my collar…)_

            Shepard, of course, was obviously enjoying this. He’d moved closer and was nibbling on Kaidan’s ear, hand caressing butterfly kisses between his shoulder blades. The turian was resolutely not looking back at them. Kaidan wasn’t sure if turians could smell pheromones or not (fuck he hoped not, if so they might as well just fuck right here), or if they had exceptional hearing, but it was getting more difficult to care the more Shepard raised goosebumps on his skin with his light little bites that held the promise of something deeper. Kaidan could feel Shepard’s hot breath on his ear, and his own was coming in short gasps while he cursed himself for dressing in such tight goddamned pants.

            ( _I can tell you like that, K. It’s going to be a fun night.)_

John stepped away, and Kaidan spent the remainder of what felt the longest elevator ride in the history of elevators squirming. He could feel John’s predatory gaze on him. And never had Kaidan wanted to be prey more than right now.


	3. Shepard's cabin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Alenko consummate their relationship. 
> 
> Other stuff because CONSENT IS SEXY.

He didn’t remember walking through decon, or the CIC. He didn’t remember if there were crewmembers aboard the ship or if they were alone. The world had become hazy, the outline of John, stride confident as always, leading him to the lift his last, tenuous connection to the world. Like a migraine, only tinged by desire instead of agony.

( _I’m going to make you mine, Kaidan. Mark you with my collar, my teeth, my belt…)_

How had he not known he wanted that? How did someone get to be nearly thirty five and not know that?

( _… spill myself inside you…)_

He looked up just as the lift doors closed behind them, and Shepard was on him, tongue in his mouth, claiming now rather than exploring. Kaidan tasted him back, tongues made of rum and whiskey colliding until they had to separate, gasping for breath.

( _… break that tight self-control of yours…)_

Kaidan took that as a challenge he would happily lose.

He was so wrapped up in the Commander that he forgot they were on the elevator still, but John deftly led Kaidan, pushing him so that he was walking backwards towards the cabin door. Shepard palmed the lock without breaking stride, only stopping Kaidan inches from tumbling down the steps.

John pulled away reluctantly. “Before we go any further, you need a safeword.”

Kaidan stared. “A safeword.”

“Yeah. You know… a word you use if you want me to stop?”

“Oh. Right. A safeword. Um…”

“I can’t make it up for you. It has to be something from your heart. That you’ll always know means stop, so you can remember it.”

“Oh. Okay.” Kaidan was at a loss, feeling like a bumbling idiot.

“So….? Gotta come up with something, K.” Shepard sounded amused. “Otherwise, I won’t put out.”

Kaidan glared halfheartedly at that but quickly focused. “Uh…” Blood rose to his cheeks as he tried to think of something. “… salarian?” The word just dropped like a brick from Kaidan’s mouth.

Both men looked at one another for a moment, startled, then burst out laughing. It was the first random word Kaidan’s addled brain had grasped, and he was glad. He felt his shoulders release some of their tension. John sensed it and led him over to the couch, smiling fondly. Let him relax for a bit. A break before the feast started, at least.

“Okay. Salarian it is.” There were a few more chuckles.

Then John grew serious. “You need to know about this, about what I am. One hundred percent first and foremost is your safety and comfort. I’m not going to abuse you, ever. If you need a salarian to come and rescue you, you call it. Do you understand me, soldier?”

“I do, sir. Uh, Shepard.”

“Good.” He relaxed back into the couch, watching Kaidan. Seeing Kaidan watch him. Waiting.

“So, uh… do you think I’d ever need a, um, salarian to come rescue me?” Kaidan felt a little ridiculous but kept the metaphor going because he had no idea how else to describe it.

“I don’t know,” Shepard replied honestly. “I’m usually gentle. I like the soft touch, psychological stuff more than physical. But sometimes. Sometimes, I’m going to want to hurt you.”

Kaidan swallowed. Stared.

John’s answer was a chuckle. He reached out and pulled Kaidan in towards him, head against shoulder, breathing deep the scent of Alliance soap and eau du biotic, his favorite smell in the galaxy. Kaidan needed no special scented gels or products, no cologne or deodorant, to smell like this. It was all him, and it was all wonderful.

“K,” he whispered into the biotic’s hair, “If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to, okay? It’s not for everyone. I get that, and I don’t want you to feel pressured into it just because it’s me.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, and now he was the one with the nerves. Kaidan liked to say he always left himself an out. John was showing it to him loud and clear. He tightened his hold around Kaidan’s waist. Breathe slow, in and out. Finally, he felt Kaidan relax against him. Giving the go ahead.

“It’s alright. We’ll go slow, okay?”

Kaidan nodded against his shoulder. He wanted to say something, and John could sense it, so he waited. Kaidan couldn’t bear to look at him, though. He just sat back against John, leaned into him, and closed his eyes.

“I… never knew. I mean, I know people do this. It just never seemed like something I’d really want, you know? But… back in the elevator…” He fell silent. John just waited. He could be patient when he had to be, and he knew this was one of those moments. Let Kaidan work through it.

It had always been about Kaidan working through it, hadn’t it?

“I’ve never felt like that before, John.” Now it seemed speaking the name came so easily to his lips. “I want… to feel like that again.”

He opened his eyes and moved so he could see Shepard fully. Forced himself to meet those baby blues, soft in the light of the cabin as they stared at him. As always, Kaidan felt like they could see through him.

“I _need_ to feel like that again. Over and over again. So… will you show me?” and his voice was quiet, and vulnerable, and full of everything he felt for Shepard, all of it out there at once in his tone and his eyes and suddenly he felt faint. He looked down, turned himself around completely, and straddled John. Then he buried his face in his shoulder, arms wrapping tight around his neck.

Shaking.

Anticipating.

Without words, because none were needed, John grabbed Kaidan around the waist and stood up, carrying him to his bed.

 

John set him down gently, almost reverently, and laid himself on top of his lover. He kissed him, not in a rough manner or even a possessive one, but with passion, little kisses from Kaidan’s mouth to his earlobe, a real bite that made the biotic gasp- _good to know he likes that_ \- all down his neck and to his collarbone, back up the other side.

Kaidan, caught in the tide, let himself be pampered, crying out softly when John mouthed over the right spots and moving unconsciously to lead him to more. Soon, the kisses became frantic and possessive. Kaidan found himself tasting rum again, John mashing his mouth with his own, and he tried fighting for purchase but found no quarter given.

The two men couldn’t help but feel each other’s interest, even through Kaidan’s casual uniform and the Commander’s jeans. As their erections became evident, they found themselves moving against each other. Kaidan was aware very quickly that the night might be over all too soon, so he pushed John back and met his eyes.

“It’s, ah, been a long time, John. Might need to go a little slower…” 

John grinned, and Kaidan had to shudder at his look. “Well, there are ways to fix that.” Those words left Kaidan looking confused, and Shepard remembered that Kaidan had very little experience with these things. He laughed.

His lover smiled at the sound. He wasn’t sure he’d heard John laugh as much as he had tonight through the entire three years of knowing him. If this was what it took to make the man happy, date night was going to be a regular occurrence, reapers or no.

“Okay, K. I have an idea. Wait here.”

He watched as John walked over to his desk, pulled a nondescript bag from underneath it, and brought it over. Kaidan raised his eyebrow.

“Shopping, remember? I had it delivered. Good thing for EDI, huh?”

“Whoa, wait. EDI can hear us, right? Oh my god EDI can _see_ us!”

“Huh. Yeah, you’re right about that. EDI?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Privacy mode, please. I’m not to be disturbed unless it’s an emergency. And neither is the Major.”

“Understood, Commander.”

He turned back to Kaidan. “Better now?”

“Much, thank you.”

“Okay, where was I? Right. Goodies. First,” he pulled out a bottle of sparkling wine from Thessia, undoubtedly gotten from the Asari embassy at who knows what cost. “To celebrate us.” Kaidan just gave that bashful smile that John was never going to get over.

“Next.” A blindfold, blood red and made for business; the outside was tough leather, with a thick under-piece of memory foam for comfort. Kaidan’s eyes widened, pupils dilated as if to take it all in while they could. John grinned in response.

“Now. This… this is something that you don’t have to wear, tonight or ever if you don’t feel comfortable, okay?” Kaidan nodded while Shepard pulled out a collar made of simple black leather. It was nondescript enough that he could see wearing it to a club. He didn’t want to admit it just yet, but it made his mouth water to imagine it on his neck. He just looked at Shepard and nodded slightly. John’s grin widened.

“Okay. Oh, and this of course.” This time he pulled out a bottle of lube, marked quite clearly _specifically formulated for anal sex_ , and put it on the nightstand as an afterthought. Kaidan, on the other hand, couldn’t help but stare uncomfortably at it. Anal sex. That was what he would be doing later. Anal sex. Of course he wasn’t a teenager, and had considered it with the man he’d so briefly dated at boot camp, at least in its most clinical terms. But now…

Shepard had already moved on. “I want you to stand up.” Kaidan heard the Commander in that voice and moved to obey immediately, no different than he would in the field. “I’m going to put this blindfold on you now, okay?”

Kaidan found his throat was dry so he just nodded. He gripped Shepard’s forearms as he put it on, and Shepard took each of his hands when it was done, kissing both palms, before replacing them at Kaidan’s sides.

“Now I’m going to remove your clothes.”

Kaidan whimpered and froze.

“Hey,” John whispered in his ear. “You trust me, right? I’m just undressing you. That’s it. That’s okay, right?”

Kaidan nodded, but his breath was shaky.

“Besides, I’ve seen you naked before, you know. We’ve taken plenty of showers together.”

_Not like this, we haven’t,_ Kaidan thought.

He felt John expertly remove all of his clothing; they’d worn their casual uniforms for so long it was not even impressive anymore how quickly all the buckles and zips could be undone. Before he knew it, Kaidan was naked, erection free and full of the pounding rush from his heart. He stood tall, moving into parade rest, pretending it was an inspection by a superior officer.

In a way, it was.

He heard Shepard draw a sharp breath while a soft “Oh” fell from his lips.

“Kaidan…” John whispered, and Kaidan thought he’d melt right there.

John wanted nothing more than to ravish him in that moment, but reminded himself that Kaidan was new to all this and needed a more subtle touch to start. Inwardly he cursed, but there was definitely a part of him that was enjoying the restrained approach too. He pondered for a moment as the Major stood there, naked, just for him. _His._ In the end he had to close his eyes just to think. How could he get his date more comfortable?

Time to be creative. He moved away and pulled whatever items he could find- the extra sheets, the radio, the end table- and positioned them haphazardly around the room. The bottle of bubbly was placed on his desk, and on the way back to Kaidan he even moved the couch away from the wall a bit for good measure.

Satisfied, he returned to Kaidan, who was wearing a rather understandably confused expression.

“Uh, John?” Kaidan asked quizzically. “What the hell are you doing?”

“A trust exercise. To get you to trust me,” he explained.

“Yeah, I got the idea,” Kaidan replied dryly.

Shepard chuckled. “I’m going to take your hands and navigate you through the room. I’ll give you directions where and how to walk. But you have to move yourself. Sound good?”

“Sure. Let’s do it.” Kaidan seemed to have forgotten for a moment that he was stark naked in front of John, the man he’d been in love with for three years, for which Shepard was glad. Kaidan had to let go a little. And so what if he was ogling? No one would ever know. Not even EDI now.

“Alright, here we go. Forward… little slower there… okay, step up and go left. No, stop! The _other_ left.”

“I did go left, John.”

“You went anatomic left, Kaidan. I’m talking about _your_ left. Damn field medics,” he muttered.

“I heard that.”

“Yeah, yeah. The real left this time…”

Once the room was successfully navigated, with lots of laughter and only one near trip as Kaidan got caught in the sheets, they made it up the steps to John’s desk. Kaidan was grinning from ear to ear and Shepard thought his heart might stop at the sight of it. Licking his lips, he leaned in and kissed him until neither of them could breathe.

He had to clear his throat to continue. “Bubbly time, what do you say?”

After he had poured them each a glass, he realized the second half of his plan hadn’t actually been thought through very well. “So… I’m going to lead you by the hand this time. Your job is to not spill the wine. So is mine, actually.” And they got the job done in record time.

But John hadn’t any doubt they would. Nobody worked together better than they did.

 

First he got himself comfortable on the bed, but then realized his own state of dress. Kind of an unfair advantage. Kaidan waited patiently nearby, slowly sipping his wine, seeming as happy as Shepard had ever seen him. And as gorgeous. John enjoyed staring at him- yes, ogling- while he rid himself of his own clothing.

Shepard sat, back to the headboard, and pulled Kaidan to sit- _carefully!-_ between his thighs, leaning into him. Kaidan’s breath caught as he realized John was naked as well. His flagging erection discovered new life for a moment, and John’s responded underneath him. He gave a nervous laugh while John- inexplicably _\- giggled_.

“You know, John, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you act like this. Didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Mm. I’m pretty sure you did, K. I’m not that much of a stick in the mud, am I?”

“Well, I suppose not. You just have a damn good mask. But I’ve never seen you this… free with yourself. Or with someone else,” he added.

“You’re special to me, Kaidan,” John answered, low, as he used the hand not holding his wine to run through Kaidan’s raven hair. The Major leaned into it, closing his eyes even underneath the blindfold. “And let’s not forget, Mr. Control Freak, you’re not exactly the most expressive person I’ve met. Not to people who don’t know you, at least.” That was one of the many fascinating things about Kaidan Alenko, he had decided early on- Kaidan was a tough nut to crack, but underneath the stoic surface and even voice were layers to be discovered, and they went deep. An ocean’s worth to investigate, and John was looking forward to diving ever deeper into it.

“Control freak?! Well now, look who’s talking. The man who mods his team’s guns. Who used to dress us, sometimes in _matching pink armor_ just to satisfy his obsessive compulsive habits. And might I remind you who is wearing the blindfold here?” Suddenly Kaidan seemed to realize he was, indeed, wearing a blindfold (not to mention completely nude) and he flushed a brilliant red.

“It’s not the same,” Shepard lamented, but he knew he’d lost that argument.

They drank in comfortable silence for a while, each man wanting the night to both move forward and never end all at once.

Kaidan finished his glass and started to fidget, nerves coming to life once more. He remembered that bottle of lube… _anal_ lube… and felt his breath become heavy, as he forced himself to push it in and out.

John felt him tense and finished his own glass. He took both and set them on the dresser next to the bed, home of the infamous lube itself.

He maneuvered them so that they lay on their sides, facing each other, Kaidan still blindfolded. The cabin was still as the men just breathed the same air. John reached out to touch the biotic gently, running his hand through the slightly mussed hair once more and then down to rest against the spot where his neck and face met. This time the kiss was more like their first: lingering and smooth. They took time to enjoy each other as bodies moved together, fitting like a perfectly tailored clasp. Their cocks were hardening once more, though Shepard forced himself still, just letting himself _feel_ Kaidan against him, instead of giving in to the instinct to devour him. When he pulled back from the kiss, Kaidan was breathing heavily, hands wrapped around John’s neck and shoulder and holding on for dear life. They rested their foreheads together.

 “I guess it’s kind of unfair that I’ve gotten to drink in the sight of you naked for so long and you haven’t gotten to see me at all, huh,” Shepard mused, and then nearly laughed as Kaidan perked up at that. It was amazing knowing that the effect Kaidan had on him was mutual. He marveled again that this was happening, real, right now, in this moment.

“Yeah. Pretty unfair, Shepard.” Kaidan stuck his lip out, putting on his best petulant expression.

“Uh huh. Blindfold’s coming off now, okay?”

In response, Kaidan reached up to his head but John stopped him before he could pull at it. “Tsk tsk, Major. You should know better by now.” The whiskey laden groans that the biotic made whenever he spoke in that voice were unbelievably hot, and Shepard was now fully hard as he reached out to take off the blindfold.

Kaidan blinked, lights bright to his unadjusted eyes. Then they caught sight of his Commander, stark naked and fan-fucking- _tastically_ gorgeous, wearing a smile Kaidan was sure only he had or ever would see. Forgetting himself briefly, he pulled John to him roughly, this time taking control of the moment.

“Wow, K, I didn’t know I had that effect on you,” John said, breathless, after the kiss was done.

“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life, John.” His eyes became whispers, pupils already wide once more, expressing without words what he wanted.

John.

“I want to fuck you raw right now, you know that?” John murmured against Kaidan’s lips. “I want to make you mine, Kaidan. I’m _going_ to make you mine.” And oh, the whimper that came from the other man’s lips was enough to send icy shivers down his spine, shivers that stuck at the base and curled there, emanating through his lower body pleasantly. But he had to do something first.

He reached out to the side table, Kaidan’s eyes following the whole way, and grabbed the collar. Kaidan’s collar, he hoped. The question was clear in the air as he met the biotic’s eyes.

The answer was even more clear.

Moving quickly, need driving him now, John sat up and pulled Kaidan to sit with him. The collar was placed at the base of Kaidan’s neck, tightness just at the edge of comfortable. He took in the sight of his love- the only man he’d ever loved- wearing it, wearing a _collar_ , wearing it just for him, _his_ collar, and had to tighten his grip on his careful control. Hadn’t tonight been about making Kaidan lose control?

Yet here he was, with the other man gazing at him serenely, while he fought his own battle, tough as a reaper in its own way because it was all the more personal. _Dammit, Kaidan, how do you do this to me?_

Taking a deep breath, John pushed Kaidan down and resolutely forced himself to go slow, mouthing his way down the other man’s body, licking, nibbling here and there, making Kaidan gasp and sometimes giggle when he found a ticklish spot. He filed that information for later, promising himself that he would go back and explore it all as soon as he was able.

When he reached Kaidan’s navel, he slowed his kisses and worked them all around his cock, tongue reaching out to tease the bit of slightly bitter moisture that had fallen from the tip onto his stomach. With his lips and tongue, Shepard moved from stomach to groin, stopping there to inhale the musk that was all Kaidan, wishing that he could be surrounded by it all the time, before continuing.

By this time, Kaidan was squirming, mewling almost, and would have undoubtedly been embarrassed had he really listened to those noises, but too far gone to give a damn. As John took Kaidan’s balls in his mouth, suckling gently at each one, Kaidan found he couldn’t help it. “John… John, ple-… please… JohnJohn _John_!...”

And that was exactly what Shepard wanted to hear. Kaidan heard the voice in his ear again, pulling him into the void, and he was falling-

_(make you mine, make you beg for it, you’re going to beg for me, Kaidan)_

-and he was definitely not begging, no. In fact, he couldn’t beg, because he could barely even breathe. All that came out of him was nonsense. His cock ached something fierce and that was all he could feel. It was the center of the universe- that and John.

Who had stopped teasing him, and was now gazing up at him tenderly. The sight of his blue eyes and full lips near his own cock made him throw his head and gasp, back arching off the bed, sweat dripping from him as he fought the bucking of his hips and disconcerting moans escaping him. It never occurred to him to try to manipulate John's head in any way with his own hands.

Turned out, Kaidan Alenko really was a submissive.

John moved up along his body to gaze into his eyes. There was such a strange combination of emotions there. Love… mischief… desire… He closed his eyes against them, but Shepard grabbed his chin and whispered.

“Look at me, Kaidan.” He was glad to notice that Shepard’s voice was just as rough as his had been, if much steadier. “Soldier,” Shepard stated firmly, which was not a call Kaidan could resist, so he opened his eyes and gazed into John’s. “Beg me. And don’t look away. Beg me.”

“John… I…,” and of course he looked away; how could he not? Those eyes bore into him. He felt his own go glassy. “I… please… please… god John how are you doing this?” The man wasn’t even touching him anymore, just staring at him intently… in _tense_ ly.

He arched off the bed again, trying to feel some much-needed sensation on the ache between his legs. Frustrated whimpers were escaping him, eyes closed, as John’s body pulled away, refusing him even that little bit. He made himself open his eyes again.

“Carry on, Major,” Shepard whispered, the side of his lip curling up in satisfied amusement.

“Please, John… God please, something, _anything_ -“, and more frustrated gasps, as he heard Shepard let out an evil chuckle. “Agh, please. Sir. Please, sir,” Kaidan whispered, gazing into John’s eyes, into John’s heart.

“Aha, you said the magic words.” The blue eyes were mischievous, but the smile was not comforting. Not. At. All.

He watched as John reached into the drawer beside them and pulled out a ring made of silicone with little studs surrounding it. Kaidan wondered what it was. He looked at John’s face again, questioning silently and somewhat alarmed.

“Just trust me, K.” The soft voice relaxed him enough that he fell back to the pillow. “Close your eyes. I’m in control now. Do you understand me, soldier?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.” Without preamble John set to work, stroking Kaidan gently a few times before pulling the tight ring around the base of him. He usually liked to swallow everything at once, but didn’t want to overload Kaidan, and besides, Kaidan had more than enough to swallow. Instead, he decided to take it slow. A soft lick around the head, then a little suckling pressure as he brought the head into his mouth, then sucking a bit harder, enjoying the taste of Kaidan, who was arching off the bed in ecstasy and moaning unintelligible words into the otherwise quiet air of the cabin.

Making sure to get his mouth nice and wet, he carefully angled his head so that he could take most of it in the next swallow. He heard Kaidan’s gasp when it went past the entrance to his throat, felt breath shuddering through his lover, and concentrated on ignoring his gag reflex. Without meaning to, Kaidan had started a rhythm of his own, fucking Shepard’s throat, but that was alright by him. He let Kaidan take over the pace and settled in; after all, Kaidan wouldn’t be able to finish with that ring around him, not with John carefully observing when to push and when to let off. Which was what Shepard really cared about, after all.

Once Kaidan’s surrender became clear, John sat up, releasing his weeping and engorged cock. He sat atop the man in a straddle, able to feel his own excitement, and rubbed against the other man slightly.

He gazed down at his love and saw that Kaidan was gone, out into space, eyes glazed and dark with desire, need, barely tracking John as his body humped upwards without a thought to drive it.

_Now_ Kaidan was ready.

 

John reached over to the table again and popped the top from the lube. He had noticed Kaidan tense up before, but now the move barely registered on the man’s face.

Shifting back between Kaidan’s legs, he experimentally rubbed a finger down his perineum and against his asshole. Kaidan tensed a little but didn’t protest, digging his own fingers into the sheets of Shepard’s bed as he was entered. John glanced at his face again, and all he saw was desire. No trepidation or distrust there. No pain, either. He swallowed Kaidan again, which just made the man writhe in a way that sent white-hot pleasure down John’s spine. He knew he was moving quickly, possibly too fast for the biotic, but his own need was building now, and he had to work to stay ahead of it.

John wrapped his hand firmly around the base of Kaidan’s cock. Kaidan showed no resistance to the second finger, body vibrating exquisitely until Shepard crooked his fingers just the right way and hit _that_ spot, and suddenly John’s throat was full of cock as Kaidan spasmed beneath him.

The noises Kaidan made drove John absolutely insane; he felt his own body tense and breathed deeply once his throat was free again. Kaidan would have come right then if the ring and John's hand hadn’t been in place. John grinned wide at that and opened him up with a third finger.  

He just breathed in Kaidan’s scent and listened to his pleas, loving every cry and whisper he got from that whiskey-rough voice, as his fingers worked their magic, occasionally rubbing against Kaidan’s prostate and making Shepard’s sadistic side snicker. He understood what it did to the man, especially since his love had probably never experienced it before.

Suddenly Kaidan forced out words through the moans and whimpers. “Please? I’m ready. Fuck me. Please, Shepard?”

Shepard stared at him, grin still full on his face. “Hmm…”

“Please… this is torture!”

“I know. That was the point.”

Kaidan let out a shaky breath. “Please fuck me. Pl…e…as…e…” The words were nearly sobs now. John actually felt kind of bad.

“I will, K.” He moved up into position, spread Kaidan further and aligned their hips, lubing up his own as-yet-untouched cock. “All you have to do is say the magic word.”

“Please… sir.” It was a sigh and a prayer.

Shepard groaned a little despite himself. Oh, but that _word._ “Okay. Look at me, Kaidan. Share this moment with me.”

He started to push forward. He wanted to soothe, sweet nothings that would make his partner focus on something other than tensing up, the universal key to this particular activity, but his mind was lost. Lost in the other man’s chocolate eyes.

So all that came out of him was _I love you, Kaidan._ Because that’s all he could say.

Then suddenly, it was happening, both of them moving together as though it had always been this way, push and pull as natural as any battlefield combo. Kaidan never lost eye contact with Shepard, always on the same wavelength. John did his best to make it last, but after the evening’s teasing, there wasn’t much he could do. He watched as Kaidan tensed up, beyond ready to let go, and reached down to take him in hand.

He slowed, pulling back from the edge, holding Kaidan. Closed his eyes. Breathed deeply. Started moving again, just a little.

Then he gazed at Kaidan, _into_ him, and murmured, “Together, okay?” He got the message and loosened up enough so that Shepard could remove the cock ring without him finishing, but it was a near thing. He had to close his eyes and squeeze tightly to force it back.

Shepard admired his reserve. “Good, I’m proud of you, soldier.” He reached out, gripping both of Kaidan’s hands in his, and thrust into him _hard_ and to the hilt, while their eyes remained locked on each other.

Once.

Twice.

Eyes still locked.

Again.

Changed the angle, just so, already understanding Kaidan’s body well enough to know where and how much.

Again, and now, they were coming together, Kaidan screaming, actually literally _screaming_ John’s name. John silent, trying not to close his eyes as he watched Kaidan unravel right in front of him, shedding the skin of Major Alenko to reveal the pearl Shepard had always known lived within him. It staggered him that Kaidan allowed him to glimpse this secret part of himself that John had always yearned to see.

The aftershocks seemed to go on forever, until their hips stuttered and they were left shaking and sweaty in each other’s arms.

Then Shepard laughed, open and honest and the _truest_ sound Kaidan had ever heard from him. It was so infectious he started to laugh along, happier than he had ever been in his life.

Shepard pulled out of his partner and lay beside him. Kaidan snuggled up to him, sighing contentedly and seeming, in Shepard’s tired mind at least, to purr like a big cat.

Realizing Kaidan still wore the collar, he moved to pull it off, but was interrupted. “No, I don’t want to take it off. Let me sleep with it on.”

John’s eyes softened. “You sure?”

Kaidan glanced up at him. “Yeah. I’m sure. It feels… right, doesn’t it?”

“Heh. Yeah, more right than anything I’ve ever felt.”

“John-“

“You don’t even need to say it. I see it in your eyes, you know.”

“Mm. But I’m going to say it anyway.”

“Alright.” A small smile.

“I love you, John.”

“I love you too, Kaidan.”

“I know.”

“Smart ass.”

“You know it.” The silence stretched until Shepard realized they were falling asleep. He reached carefully to turn off the light and took stock of the room before sighing. Oh well, he’d deal with it in the morning.

For now, he was going to sleep with the man he loved, and there was no doubt it’d be the best night of sleep in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn’t mean for Kaidan to be so hilariously adorkable or quite this inexperienced but these boys have a mind of their own, you know? And I hope this wasn’t too meandering. I have a tendency to get a little long winded when it comes to the sexy times.
> 
> I'm new to writing and am editing my own stuff besides, so critiques are welcome, as are comments and kudos of course. I hope you've enjoyed what is probably the longest PWP ever.


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